Are you comparing your insides to other people's outsides?

In the past week I’ve shared one post on social media – a photo of the chaos that ensues on my kitchen table when I’m deep into writing a novel (even after all these years I still write at the kitchen table, mainly due to the close proximity of the kettle).

Other recent posts I’ve made on my social media include some good news re books sales, and photos of my Christmas break in Norway.

So, on the outside and according to Instagram and Facebook, I’m a relatively successful author who’s just had a lovely holiday and therefore all must be wonderful in my world. I mean, I even called this newsletter WONDERSTRUCK. But…

Life is a lot more complex and nuanced than that and the trouble with social media is that we tend to see people’s edited highlight reels.

Their holidays and their wins. Their romantic dates. Their humble - and not so humble - brags. All hashtag blessed of course.

We only tend to see each other’s outsides through the medium of social media. We don’t get to see the messier insides – the doubts, the fears, the rage, the insecurities.

And so when our own insides get messy and difficult it can come with a side serving of comparison and even self loathing.

Why can’t my life be as perfect and hashtag blessed as theirs? What’s wrong with me? Etc.

So, in the interests of full transparency, I’m going to share a little of my insides with you…

The night after I made my post about writing at my kitchen table I woke at three in a cold sweat because that day I’d also learned that someone I love very much has been offered a job in Ukraine. And while I’m infinitely proud that he’s the type of person brave and caring enough to say yes to a job in a war torn country, trying to help the people of that country, I’m frightened for his safety.

And of course, once an attack of the night frights strikes it’s very hard to close the door on them. So a succession of other reasons to feel anxious appeared like unwelcome guests in my bedroom, whispering at me in the dark.

• You’ve taken on too much work this month, you’re never going to get it all done.

• What if you’re never able to move out of this town?

• What if your friend’s cancer comes back?

• What if everyone you love dies? (the night frights tend to love a good ol’ melodramatic climax!)

Anyway, I finally got a couple of hours sleep and when I woke the next morning a nice cup of tea sorted me out, as is the British way – until the following night!

All this to say, if your insides are feeling a little messy this January, please try not to compare them to other people’s shiny, happy outsides. And take comfort from the fact that their insides are undoubtedly as beautifully complex and light and dark as your own.

As Ram Dass once so eloquently put it: ‘We’re all just walking each other home.’

Until next week, wishing your insides love and peace.

Siobhan