Begin and let the magic in

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When my marriage ended over 20 years ago and I found myself the self-employed, sole-bread-winning mum of a young son, I read the above quote every day like a mantra.

I didn’t just love it for the sentiment but for the specific words Goethe used.

Dream … boldness … genius … power … magic.

They're words that make you sit up and pay attention and send a tingle of possibility down your spine. Or they did to me at least.

And of course, there’s the word: ‘begin’.

Two rhythmic syllables, whispering a soft invitation...

Begin…

But it can be hard to begin when you’re plagued by insecurity or fear. Or simply inexperience.

Then, the soft invitation can start to sound a little menacing. And, like an annoying copy editor of doom, fear adds a couple of dramatic question marks to the end.

Begin??

Which in turn can trigger an avalanche of ‘what if’s’

What if it all goes wrong?

What if people laugh at me?

What if I live to regret it?

The other day I was sorting through some of the possessions I’ve been storing at my mum’s since becoming a nomad and I came across this photo.

It was taken at my first ever author talk over 20 years ago.

I’d only had a couple of books published back then and I’d been invited to give a talk to a London writers’ group.

I’d never given any kind of talk before, let alone to a group of writers, and the impostor syndrome I felt was real.

All of the doubts and fears that had caused me to give up on my writing dream and drop out of university a few years before came roaring back to life.

Who was I to advise anyone on how to write? I was a former council estate kid. I’d dropped out of uni because I’d become convinced that I couldn’t compete with my far posher peers. Yes, I’d taught myself to write in the end and yes, I’d got a book deal for my novels, and yes it was from a major UK publishing house, but I’d just got lucky and now - on a Wednesday night in a London library - I was going to be exposed for the terrible impostor that I was!

I remember reading the Goethe quote in desperation and the words ‘boldness has power’ kept leaping out at me. They sounded so appealing in my powerless state.

So I said yes to the invitation, and I planned a talk, and I decided to practise on an audience of my son’s toys, who I arranged in a row on the floor in front of me.

It was all going OK but then suddenly disaster struck. Completely out of the blue, Bob the Builder keeled over headfirst onto the carpet.

My inner voice of doom had an absolute field day.

Look! Look! it cried excitedly. ‘Your talk is so bad you even made an inanimate object lose the will to live!’

But I kept re-reading the Goethe quote and somehow I found the boldness to show up at the event. And somehow I found the boldness to speak about writing, even though I felt I had very little wisdom and knowledge to impart.

And I don’t think it’s any accident that it looks as if my eyes are closed in the photo. I have a horrible feeling I kept them shut for far longer than was socially acceptable in the circumstances, and I certainly avoided making eye contact with anyone at any cost.

But - although I didn’t realise it at the time - that night I began what would become a couple of truly magical elements to my career.

I’d taken my first, extremely tentative step into the worlds of public speaking and teaching.

After that first talk I was invited by the London council concerned to run the writing group, which met every Wednesday night, and I ended up running it for six years.

Shortly after, a neighbouring London Borough asked me to run a similar group for them every Tuesday night. And emboldened by this, I started giving author talks and running workshops in local high schools.

When I shared the photo of me giving my first ever talk on my Facebook page this week a teacher friend commented: ‘I remember you came to speak to the pupils at my school and you were so nervous and shy!!!!’

I’ll be honest, when I first read her comment I felt embarrassed. I must have made a real fool of myself for her to remember my shyness and nervousness all these years later and for it to warrant not one, but FOUR exclamation marks!!!!

But then I had a change of heart.

I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, I should feel proud that I’d clearly been terrified when I went to talk to her students, but I made myself do it anyway.

Just like the night I gave my first talk to a writing group, I began giving talks in high schools way before I felt ready to do so.

Reflecting back on it now I can see more evidence of the magic and power that Goethe talks about when it comes to being bold enough to begin something - even when you don’t feel ready. Or perhaps especially when you don’t feel ready.

With every school talk I gave I gained a little more confidence, and over the subsequent years I ended up speaking in schools, colleges and universities to hundreds of thousands of students all over the world.

And I have so many magical memories of those talks, especially when I urged the students to be bold enough to pursue their dreams and encouraged them to share their dreams with each other. The energy we created in those halls and classrooms was exhilarating.

By the time I gave my last school talk, just before the pandemic, I’d reached the point where you could have plonked me in a lecture theatre in front of 400 students, completely unprepared, and I’d have been able to whip up a talk on the spot - completely unfazed. And I would have enjoyed it!!!!

‘Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.’

Giving a talk more recently - and with my eyes open!

Looking back now I can see many examples in my life where finding the courage to override my fear and begin something new has brought so much magic into my life.

Deciding to give up my home and most of my worldly goods to live and work as a nomad is the most recent example.

It took me a whole year to pluck up the courage to go full nomad and give up my home but the rewards I’ve received since have transformed me and my life beyond all recognition for the better.

I’ve made wonderful friends all over the globe. I’ve experienced all kinds of environments, from farm life in Jamaica, to mountain life in the Ozarks, and, sadly, life under a full scale invasion in Ukraine.

Travelling the world solo has stretched me into a far more powerful, empathetic and confident human.

And my mind - and many journals! - are crammed full of magical memories from the past two years.

I am so, so glad that I found the boldness to begin that particular adventure.

So now, it’s over to you. I have some questions I’d love you to ponder or journal on…

• When have you found the boldness to begin something new in the past - even if you haven’t felt ready?

• What happened as a result?

• Did you find Goethe’s quote to be true?

• Did you experience power, genius or magic after beginning? Or maybe all three?

• Is there something you’re currently thinking of beginning but feel paralysed by doubt or fear?

• What possible genius, magic or power could you imagine happening if you could only pluck up the courage to be bold enough to begin?

I hope that reading this and reflecting on these questions helps you find the boldness to begin something new and allow the magic in.

Until next week,

Siobhan