Celebrating 25 years of a 'failed' marriage

Twenty-five years ago today (I’m writing this to you on Wednesday just gone), I married my son’s dad. 

We got married in a beautiful chapel in Arkansas, with my American family travelling in from all over the country to celebrate with us.

We got divorced just three years later. Three of the hardest years of my life. But I will never, ever look back on our marriage as a failure in spite of the pain it caused. Not only because my ex-husband and I share a wonderful, now 26 year-old, son but because I now see how the difficulties of those years formed a furnace in which I was forced to become my strongest, most enterprising and creative self. I was forced to become my TRUE self.

I am spending what would have been my 25th wedding anniversary in Montmartre, Paris, on the second day of a brand new chapter in my life as a digital nomad, travelling the world as I write.

embracing the crepe life

And as I sit here outside a cafe sipping coffee, watching French drivers yelling expletives at each other as the morning traffic clogs the narrow cobbled streets, I can see so clearly how the breakdown of my marriage set me on a course that led me to this point.

The unhappiness I felt back then led me to seek refuge in writing. And the writing I did while my husband was out and my baby son was asleep led to me writing my first book, which led to my first book deal, which led to financial independence, which led to my freedom from a relationship that just wasn’t working.

And becoming the sole bread-winner and single mum of a 4-year-old son forced me to draw upon an inner strength and resources I didn’t know I possessed.

It was absolutely the making of me. The true me, I was always supposed to be.

Of course, I didn’t realise it at the time. At the time I was too concerned with keeping food on the table and a roof over our heads - especially when I was dropped by my first publisher and lost my sole source of income overnight!

But that’s the thing about hard times - we rarely see the gifts they contain when we’re in the thick of the worry or the pain. (So please, hold on to that thought if you’re currently going through a tough time.)

Slowly but surely, I built a self employed career around my passions for writing and helping others, training as an editor and life coach. And then I got a new book deal, and another and another, and went from a dropped to award-winning, best-selling author.

Which brings me to here - Montmartre, Paris.

My son is grown, and flown, and now I’ve flown the empty nest too.

Giving up my home in the UK last week to go travelling felt hugely liberating but I'd be lying if I said there haven’t been some nights where I’ve woken at 3am and felt a burst of fear. 

But I know that, whatever life might throw at me, I’ll be able to handle it. And if it does all go wrong I’ll be able to bounce back - just like I did after my divorce.

So, I’m going to raise my morning coffee to the 25th anniversary of my wedding day, in a toast of gratitude for all of the lessons I learned and skills I acquired navigating my way out of the pain. Navigating my way to the me I was always supposed to be.

Until next week, here’s to keeping the faith that our hardest times can be our greatest lessons, and as always, I’d love to hear from you on this topic - either in a reply or the comments. 

When you look back on your life, can you see how going through a tough time helped forge you into a better, stronger person - the person you were always meant to be - or taught you a really important lesson? Or, if you’re currently going through a tough time, try zooming out to see a larger perspective from a few months down the line, in which you’re able to see your current obstacles as stepping stones to success.

Siobhan

If you’re interested in following my adventures as a digital nomad please feel free to connect with me at my new account on Instagram: @SiobhanCurhamAuthor or give my Facebook page, Siobhan Curham Author, a follow

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