Reasons to believe in yourself

Have you ever heard the sage piece of advice offered to people nervous about giving a public speech or presentation?

Just picture your audience naked, so the advice goes, and then you won’t be afraid at all!

Someone told me to do this before I gave my first ever author talk, some twenty years ago. The talk was taking place in my then local library in London, about a novel I’d just had published, and it’s safe to say, I was terrified!

The day before the talk I mysteriously lost my voice. No other symptoms. No aches, or fever, or cough. My voice just left up and left the building as if it was trying to save me from the fate worse than death that was public speaking.

‘You need to, like, work on your throat chakra,’ a hippy friend told me, wafting some sage around my neck. ‘Clearly you’ve got, like, a blockage of energy.’

‘You need to picture your audience naked,’ another, more blunt-speaking friend advised. ‘Then you won’t feel scared at all.’

No, I thought to myself, I’ll feel like a frickin’ pervert!

The evening of the talk dawned (if it’s possible for an evening to dawn…)

TAKE TWO: The evening of the talk dusked, and my voice returned, albeit a little croaky.

I took to the podium, full to the brim with fear and a generous side helping of impostor syndrome. The book I was there to talk about was only my second novel and I still didn’t believe that a former council estate kid like me belonged in the world of publishing, let alone public speaking.

I stared out into the packed audience and tried to undress them with my eyes. Instantly, my face began to burn. 

What if they can tell what I’m thinking, I panicked. What if they can tell I’m picturing them naked?

I stumbled and stammered through the opening of my talk and then, about five minutes in (which felt more like five eternities) something magical happened. 

I said something that made the audience laugh - with me not at me, thankfully - and I relaxed a little bit.

This didn’t have to be scarier than death, I realised, this could actually be fun, as long as I imagined I was having a bit of banter with a room full of mates rather than standing in front of a room full of naked strangers.

This week, as I continue my Great Clear Out in preparation for going travelling for a few months, I came across a letter from the librarian who’d invited me to give the talk that night, some twenty years ago.

In the letter she thanks me for ‘putting on such a good performance’ and talks about the enthusiastic response I got from the audience and the positive feedback she received subsequently. 

I found the letter inside a folder I’d titled ‘REASONS TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF’. Also inside were print-outs of emails I’d received from readers of my first books, thanking me for writing them. It was a poignant reminder of how deeply nervous and unsure of myself I’d been back then. 

And it must have worked because I kept on giving talks, and somewhere along the way, I stopped being scared and I started to really enjoy public speaking.

A more recent talk … and I’m definitely not picturing them naked!

A key breakthrough for me was when I realised that I had to stop making it about me. And by that I mean, every time I grew anxious prior to giving a talk all I could think about were the ways in which I was going to mess up.

I was going to forget what to say.

I was going to be boring.

I was going to look stupid.

It was all me, me, me, me, me…

Then one night, when I was waiting anxiously backstage, I had a true lightbulb moment. Stop making it about you, and make it about them! a wise inner voice said.

I pictured the audience I was about to speak to, and I imagined one person sitting there who really needed to hear what I was about to say (most of my talks were about achieving your dreams and overcoming your fears). If I could say something that would help just one person, then job done.

This suddenly made the talk seem a lot more manageable. And shifting the focus onto how I could help rather than how I might mess up, completely changed my energy and I felt way more fired up.

I’ve now given talks to thousands of people all over the world. In fact, the same day I found the letter about my first ever talk, I also came across a beautiful hand-made card that I was gifted from students at a school in the United Arab Emirate of Sharjah some 12 years later as part of a speaking tour in the UAE.

If someone had told me the night I was shaking and croaky and full of impostor syndrome that one day I was going to be invited to give talks halfway around the world I never would have believed them.

From tiny anxious acorns, mighty oak trees grow … especially if they focus on how they can help instead of how they might fall short.

Until next week, keep believing in yourself and in how and who you can help.

Siobhan