Last year I was in a very unhappy place in my life.
Someone I loved had cancer and needed life-saving surgery.
I hated the town I’d moved to during the pandemic and was finding it impossible to meet kindred spirits there.
And I’d bitten off way more than I could chew, workwise, and was suffering from burn-out and exhaustion.
The one thing I was looking forward to was going to Jamaica to co-host a writing retreat. But then that fell through at the last minute.
Thankfully my best friend had booked to come on the retreat so we both had flights that were non-refundable. ‘Why don’t we just go to Jamaica anyway?’ she suggested.
I have to admit, I was less than enthusiastic.
All I could think about right then was my friend with cancer and whether he’d make it through his surgery ok.
But my best friend said not to worry, that she’d find us places to stay, and effectively all I had to do was show up at the airport on the day (is it any wonder that she’s my bestie?!).
And when I showed up at the airport on the day she gave me one of the best surprises of my life, revealing that she’d treated us both to an upgrade and we were going to be flying business class, baby!
As soon as we touched down in Montego Bay I knew that this was going to be no ordinary trip, for Jamaica is no ordinary country, and rather than hole up for two weeks in a resort, we’d decided to travel around a bit and get to experience the real country off the beaten tourist trail.
Our first port of call was staying at a farm in the mountains.
On the car journey there, as we swerved the potholes and goats(!) in the road, I got that certain, ‘We’re not in Kansas anymore’ feeling. I’d never been anywhere like it in my life before and it was hugely exhilarating.
What followed was a magical trip.
In short, Jamaica shook me wide awake. It jolted me from my depression and lethargy and reminded me of who I truly am and the type of life I’m supposed to be living, And I will always be so grateful for it.
I flew back to the UK in a sundress and flip-flops, feeling completely wild and free - until we disembarked into typical British weather, cold, grey and drizzly.
But even that couldn’t dampen my spirits. Something deep inside of me had changed irrevocably.
Going to Jamaica made me see how far off track I’d drifted.
How disconnected I’d become from my true self.
And I vowed to never go back to that unhappy, disconnected place again.
I realised that I couldn’t waste any more time living in the wrong place, in the wrong life, and so I vowed to make my workload more manageable and move away as soon as I could.
I also started this weekly letter, Wonderstruck, as a way of charting my progress and hopefully encouraging others to follow their passions and seek the wonder in their life too, so thank you so much for being a part of it.
And now, here I am, a year later, writing this to you from a cafe terrace in the heart of the French countryside.
A month ago I moved out of the town I hated and I left the UK to go travelling. It took me almost a year to achieve the dream that Jamaica ignited in me, and there were some ups and downs along the way, but I made it in the end.
Just before I started writing this to you, I got chatting to a French guy who it turns out is a reggae DJ, and one of the first things he said to me was how much he loved Jamaica when he visited there last year. He didn’t know that I’d been there or what Jamaica now means to me, so it felt like a lovely reminder from the universe to believe in the magic - again!
Now, if you've been reading Wonderstruck for a while you'll know that at this point I always like to turn the message of the week's letter over to you, so f you’re going through a hard time right now, and you feel like you’ll never escape the rut you find yourself in, ask yourself if there’s something you could do, or somewhere you could go, to jolt your true self awake again.
Don’t be afraid to push yourself out of your comfort zone - travelling around Jamaica was way out of my comfort zone - or to make some other kind of drastic change. Your true self will thank you for it, trust me.
Until next week, sending love - and courage,
Siobhan
Love your posts!
Also, I'm here on Substack too! It's been fun to join in on the party.