Love and longing in Lisbon

Have you ever longed for someone or somewhere so much that you’ve been filled with a bittersweet ache?

Bitter because you can no longer be with that person or in that place, but sweet because the memories you have of them are so beautiful.

I’ve experienced moments of longing like these ever since I was a teen, but it wasn’t until the beginning of last year that I discovered there’s a word for this specific bittersweet feeling - or at least there is in Portugal.

At the beginning of last year I was invited to Lisbon to celebrate the launch of the Portuguese edition of my novel, The Storyteller of Auschwitz.

I’d never been to Portugal before and I was eager to make the most of the trip and do some exploring while I was there. So I invited my bestie to come along and on our first day I introduced her to the concept of flaneuring.

Flaneuring is essentially walking with no particular destination in mind while paying close attention to your surroundings, which always seems to invite the most magical of serendipitous moments.

Lisbon turned out to be the perfect place to flaneur, and as we meandered our way along the cobbled streets, past beautiful old buildings, many displaying intricately patterned vivid tiles, the vibrancy of the city worked its way into my veins. The air hummed with the chatter and laughter of people clustered outside cafes in the sun - and of course the rattle of the canary yellow trams trundling past - and I felt so grateful and happy to have been invited there.

beautiful Lisbon scenes

Eventually we discovered a market in a square down by the river. I was drawn to a stall displaying some striking artwork and began to browse. Since giving up my home in the UK I’d begun collecting pieces of art from the places I visited to keep as fun mementos from my adventures, so I was eager to add a piece from Lisbon to my collection.

the artwork I chose, by Alexandre Gaudencio

Pretty soon I got chatting with the artist, who was called Alexandre, and during our conversation he mentioned something about a word that only existed in Portuguese.

Being a professional wordsmith, the notion of a word being unique to a country intrigued me so I asked what it was and what it meant.

Alexandre told me that the word was “saudade” and it meant a bittersweet longing for a person, time or place.

Wikipedia later informed me that saudade is:

“a word in Portuguese denoting an emotional state of melancholic or profoundly nostalgic longing for a beloved yet absent someone or something. It is often associated with a repressed understanding that one might never encounter the object of longing ever again. It is a recollection of feelings, experiences, places, or events, often elusive, that cause a sense of separation from the exciting, pleasant, or joyous sensations they once caused.”

As soon as I discovered saudade I felt a sense of relief - finally I had a word to sum up the feeling I was all too familiar with.

Back when I was a teenager longing for my first love I’d even perfected a kind of saudade ritual - sitting on my windowsill late at night, smoking cigarettes while playing a poignant love song on repeat (I have a horrible feeling it was that epic 80s power ballad by Foreigner, ‘I Wanna Know What Love is’ but please don’t let that ruin the moment!)

Even at that tender age I recognised that there was a tinge of pleasure to the ache I was experiencing. A sense that, even though I couldn’t be with my love, at least I was fully alive and feeling something acutely. At least my pain had been born from a time of intense joy.

After meeting in the market I connected with Alexandre on Instagram and he ended up coming along to my book event the following evening.

I was blown away by the warmth of the people who came to the event and it made me love Portugal even more.

When she found out I was living as a nomad, the woman who was co-hosting the event predicted that I’d love her country so much I’d end up moving there. By the end of the night, having met a long line of warm-hearted fun people at my book signing, I could see why. I’d never felt more welcomed at an author event.

The following day my friend flew back to the UK and I stayed on for a bit. The more time I spent in Lisbon, drinking in the vibrancy and beauty of the city - not to mention the deliciousness of the food - the more I felt called to write a novel set there.

On my last night in Portugal I lay in my hotel bathtub, overlooking Lisbon. It was a beautiful balmy evening and I’d flung the large windows wide open so I could gaze upon the lights of the city twinkling below.

tub with a view

As I soaked in the tub watching a plane trace its way across the inky sky, I cast my mind back to a wonderful night in a magical place from a few years before. The kind of night I’d previously assumed only happened in the movies - and if they did happen in real life would surely only happen once.

As my mind filled with happy memories and my body ached with longing I realised that I was experiencing saudade in all its bitter sweet glory, right there in its birthplace, and I decided that if I ever wrote a novel set in Portugal I would put this magical, wistful feeling right at the beating heart of it.

I scrambled from the soapy water to fetch my trusty ideas notebook and wrote the word SAUDADE across a page in capitals.

I’m so happy to share that I ended up writing the novel - which is called The Lost Story of Sofia Castello - and it came out on Friday.

Here’s a very brief synopsis…

The Lost Story of Sofia Castello tells the story of a famous Portuguese singer (Sofia) who supposedly died in a plane crash during World War 2, and a London ghostwriter (Lily) who is hired to write her memoir only to discover to her shock that Sofia is alive and living in hiding on the Portuguese coast. But why would she have faked her death at the peak of her fame and success? This mystery lies at the heart of the book.

It's a story of friendship, resilience, love, longing and betrayal, and war seen through the eyes of an extremely feisty woman, who was a lot of fun to write! And as a fun aside, it also features a character named Alexandre, as a way of saying thank you to my new Portuguese friend for planting the first saudade seed of the novel in my mind.

Here are some early reviews...

"This energy-charged, emotional drama with its mysterious plot had me glued to the pages. There are heaps of twists and turns that left me breathless. Siobhan draws upon her own experiences with Portugal, its people, history and landscape—making The Lost Story of Sofia Castello feel incredibly authentic. 5 Glorious Stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️"

“It is very rare to read a book set in Portugal-my native land. I really loved reading about the places I have been to and belong to my life, and I know are part of my past. This helped me connect even more to the story. This book explores our culture, language, nationality, architecture, gastronomy, our music, our past. In a nutshell: Us. I love how the author gives true meaning to the word saudade- such a Portuguese strong word- and talks about how Portugal was important in the second world war, and is still important. Bringing visibility to my beautiful country. Thank you for this lovely story and for portraying my country my culture and my language in such a vibrant a heartbreaking story. I feel seen, I feel loved. Thank you for making such a strong character and making her Portuguese. In the name of all Portuguese girls who had to fight something in their lives and be a little like Sofia knowing that “Sometimes the things that seem like the end of the world are actually the prologue for something truly delightful,” we thank you for this portrait.”

"The dual timeline weaves together war, secrets, and resilience so beautifully. Sofia’s story is tense and heartbreaking, while Lily’s modern journey of grief and reinvention is just as compelling. The mystery kept me hooked, but it’s the emotional depth that really lingers. This book makes you think about loss, survival, and the unexpected ways we heal. Absolutely loved it!"

"This is such a powerful story packed with secrets, betrayals and heartbreak, intertwined with strength, joy and resilience. I was so drawn to all of the main characters in the book; Sofia and Lily, of course, and also Gabriel, Jane and Trafalgar, who was definitely the most complex and intriguing character. Some brilliant twists elevated this story to one of my favourite WWII based books and it is a story that will stay with me for a long time."

"The Lost Story of Sofia Castello is a haunting, emotionally charged dual-timeline novel that explores the ripple effects of war, the resilience of women, and the cost of long-held secrets. Siobhan Curham delivers a story that feels both sweeping and intimate, with a mystery at its core that keeps you turning the pages while the emotional undercurrents keep you rooted in the characters’ journeys."

"What makes The Lost Story of Sofia Castello stand out is how it balances suspense with emotional depth. The slow reveal of truth is both satisfying and surprising, with stakes that rise until the final, poignant twist. The setting—split between the golden light of coastal Portugal and the shadows of war-torn Europe—adds richness to the atmosphere and emotional weight to the narrative."

"This novel asks powerful questions: What do we owe to the truth? How do we live with the choices we’ve made? And is it ever too late for redemption?"

"If you enjoy historical fiction with emotional resonance, mystery, and fully realized female characters, this is a must-read. It will stay with you long after the final page."

"From the very first page of this book, I was stunned, mesmerised. Written with a ferocious passion that'll knock the wind out of you! I’m so sad it's over. I could have read another sixty chapters . . . A fantastic read!"

"I loved each and every one of these characters. They were all crafted so beautifully, especially the women. Their strength and determination, as well as loyalty to each other, was palpable, and made me love this book even more."

"An absolutely captivating read that conjures up so many different emotions. I found it so hard to put down."

"A beautifully crafted novel that explores themes of friendship, love, resilience, and loss against the rich and tumultuous backdrop of Portugal during World War II."

If The Lost Story of Sofia Castello sounds like your cup of tea you can order a copy (in paperback, digital or audio) here. And HUGE thanks if you do!

Until next week, here’s to loving and longing so hard it hurts (but maybe not while listening to cheesy 80s power ballads!)

Siobhan