Many years ago a friend of mine was invited to her new boyfriend’s birthday meal with his family.
It was the first time she’d been invited to one of his family get-togethers so it was quite a big deal and she was obviously anxious to make a good first impression.
But in the end she needn’t have worried because everyone’s attention was focused on her new boyfriend’s mother - for all the wrong reasons.
Her boyfriend’s parents had split up around 15 years previously, and his dad remarried and started another family, but sadly his mum had remained frozen in the bitterness of their break-up.
She just couldn’t forgive her former husband for the end of their marriage and so, all those years later, she spent most of the night making loud angry digs about him and his wife.
As my friend described how mortifying it was for everyone at the table I remember viewing her experience as a cautionary tale - telling myself that if I ever ended up in a similar situation, there was no way I was going to ruin my life by staying stuck in anger with an unquenchable thirst for revenge.
Can you guess what happened next?
In a nutshell, my own marriage ended and, without going into the gnarly details, I was left with some reasons of my own to feel angry.
And I definitely didn’t bounce from the wreckage of my relationship spouting positive platitudes like some jacked-up Pollyanna.
There were tears, long, trying-to-make-sense-of-it-all runs, and long, trying-to-make-sense-of-it-all outpourings to my closest people.
But my friend’s tale kept coming back to me and I knew that there was no way I wanted to be sitting at a family dinner in years to come too curdled by bitterness to be able to prioritise my son’s happiness.
So instead of looking back with regret, I decided to forgive and move forward with hope.
[A little side note about forgiveness: It’s often seen as sign of weakness but whenever I’ve truly forgiven someone it’s felt like a kind of superpower and it’s so freeing!]
And when other women told me that I ought to take my ex to court to get him to pay more maintenance for our son - or as one work acquaintance (in a very unhappy marriage herself )put it: “take him for everything he’s got” I ignored them.
I had no interest in going cap in hand to my ex. After all, I no longer wanted to be married to him so why would I put myself in a situation where I still relied upon him financially? And I honestly had no desire to put him in a situation where he could barely afford to live, simply out of spite. Why would I do that to the father of my kid?
Instead, I used the fact that I needed to increase my income as motivation to create a multi-faceted career revolving around my passion for books and writing - becoming an editor, coach, writing workshop leader and public speaker, in addition to being an author.
And in doing so I brought together a wonderful network of like-minded creatives and my new home became a hub for people to meet and socialise - my son’s friends as well as my own.
I was too busy and too buzzy with dreams to need to seek any kind of revenge.
But revenge is a topic that interests me - so much so, it ended up being one of the key themes of my new novel.
This wasn’t my intention when I sat down to write the book, but as my two main characters emerged and their stories developed it occurred to me that I was exploring the ways in which people react after being wronged.
One of my characters, Sofia, who was a famous singer before faking her death, decides to finally tell her true story with the sole purpose of taking revenge on someone who once betrayed her.
Lily, her ghostwriter, is still reeling from a break-up at the start of the novel. Through her character I was interested in exploring the healing and liberating power of travel - a theme that is very close to my heart, as regular readers of this Substack will know.
Just like me after my marriage break-up, Lily isn’t motivated by revenge, but ironically over the course of the novel she achieves what is perhaps the best revenge of all - becoming free from her past and truly happy.
When someone wrongs us it can be all too easy - and understandable - to want to hurt them back, but I can’t help feeling that in doing so, we end up hurting ourselves the most.
This is beautifully summed up by one of my favourite quotes…
“Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and hoping they will die.”
A thirst for revenge can be truly toxic.
However…
having said all that…
it’s time for a little confession!
There have been a couple of occasions over the years when someone’s hurt me or pissed me off and they’ve ended up becoming the inspiration for a character in one of my novels.
Not overtly, you understand. But very subtly.
I change enough of the details that no-one but me would ever know.
But I know, and I have to tell you, it’s been extremely therapeutic and sometimes even comedic as I’ve poured my frustrations onto the page, finally achieving closure through a plot I can control.
To give you an example, in my latest novel, The Lost Story of Sofia Castello there’s a very minor character named Bing who is an archetypal misogynist. I’ve experienced a few patronising put-downs from this type of person in the past, so it felt weirdly healing and very amusing to express my thoughts about them through my main character, Sofia, giving her a couple of wonderfully withering lines I wish I’d been able to say myself.
In every novel I write there’s usually a sentence that sums up the essence of the book and in The Lost Story of Sofia Castello, that line is this…
“Sometimes the things that seem like the end of the world are actually the prologue for something truly delightful.”
People say that revenge is sweet but in my experience, moving on with a smile on your face and spring in your step is oh so much sweeter.
And as a really positive final side note: Last year my son got married and his dad and I had loads of fun together at the wedding, spending most of the reception cracking up laughing! And very soon I’m going to be moving into an apartment just around the corner from him, in the town where my son and daughter-in-law have now settled. (I'll still be nomading too but need a UK base camp to be close at hand to support my ageing dad.)
This is a family plot twist I never could have foreseen, and it fills my heart with joy and gratitude.
Life can be tough and we might not be able to control what others do to us but one thing we can control is our response.
And in my humble opinion it's far better to respond in a graceful, dignified way when someone does us wrong. Or of course, make them meet a sticky end in a novel!
Until next week,
Siobhan
ATTENTION BOOK BARGAIN HUNTERS! The Lost Story of Sofia Castello is currently available for just 99p / 99c - but only for a few days - so snap up your copy here! HUGE thanks if you do and I hope you enjoy!
Here’s one of the most recent reviews to give you an overview…
“Siobhan Curham's The Lost Story of Sofia Castello is a captivating historical fiction novel that transports readers to the evocative landscapes of Portugal during WWII. From the very first page, I was drawn in by the engrossing prologue, a hallmark of Curham's storytelling that sets the stage for an unforgettable journey.
What I enjoyed most about this book was the rich tapestry of characters, particularly Sofia, Lily, and Jane. Each character is beautifully crafted, with their own unique motivations and complexities. The plot is filled with unexpected twists and turns that kept me on the edge of my seat, while the focus on Sofia's determination to help refugees adds a profound depth to the narrative.
Lily's journey is particularly inspiring; her perseverance and desire to move on from her troubled past and her awful ex-boyfriend highlight her strength and resilience. As she navigates her challenges, Lily's growth becomes a powerful testament to the importance of self-discovery and healing.
The themes of female bonds and faith resonate throughout the novel, with Sofia's heartfelt appeals to St. Anthony of Padua adding a spiritual layer to her quest. The emotional depth of Sofia and Judith's relationship truly moved me, showcasing Curham's ability to explore the intricacies of human connections against the backdrop of historical turmoil.
Curham's writing style is both lyrical and engaging, making it easy to become immersed in the story. I appreciated how well-developed each character was, providing a comprehensive understanding of their motivations and backgrounds.
I wholeheartedly recommend The Lost Story of Sofia Castello to anyone who loves historical fiction, especially those interested in WWII narratives. This book is a testament to resilience, hope, and the power of female solidarity. Siobhan Curham has once again proven her talent, and I can't wait to see what she creates next!” ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I tend to write humour into my fictional retellings of incidents. It never seems funny at the time, but over time the absurdity comes true. Lovely writing btw 👌
Thankyou for your wartime insights. I studied WW2 at training college, but knew very little about wartime Portugal so your novel has inspired to research some more . Intriguing. I also love the Savoy Vignette and insights into their air raid shelter arrangements. It's episodes like this that bring your novel to life.
I also thought Hit Parade was a modern invention, but you got it bang on, of course. (It's historical accuracy especially such as this, that makes all the difference, together with exploring the impact on ordinary people trying to lives in extraordinary circumstances) Sorry I know I've strayed far from your character Bing, who was indeed a real cad. ( haven't quite finished novel yet)
Can't wait to see the plot unravel.