Use Your Dread to Set You Free

On the last day of our recent trip to Jamaica my friend and I met a guy named Rick. We met him while having breakfast on the terrace of our bed and breakfast in the hills overlooking Montego Bay.

Rick was sitting at the table next to ours and the contrast in our moods couldn’t have been more palpable. A cloud of last-day-of-holiday gloom hung over my friend and me, whereas Rick, who had just arrived in Jamaica the night before, was giving off a zest for life as bright and cheery as his shirt.

His enthusiasm was infectious and so we got chatting all about life and travel and how good it is for the soul. Then Rick told us about a system he’d devised for being happy. Basically every time he does something new he logs down how happy it made him out of ten and if it scores highly he endeavours to do more of that thing.

By keeping a log of his happiness levels in this way he’s able to keep them in check. If he feels them slipping he refers back to his notebook as a reminder of the things that light him up and make him feel better.

I only spoke to Rick for about an hour max but this idea of his stayed with me like the sweetest of parting gifts. And as our plane took off back to the UK a few hours later I vowed that I was going to adopt his system to take me into the new year.

Fast forward to this week, when I found myself facing a dilemma.

When it comes to 2023 I have two major goals – to travel more and to move back to the town where most of my friends live and where I’ve had some of the happiest times of my life and make that my base when I’m in the UK.

As I plan to spend a lot of time out of the UK next year I had the idea of drastically downsizing from my current two bed apartment to renting a room in a shared house.

This would free up more money for travel and part of me loves the notion of living in such a minimalistic way. But…

Last week my good ol’ predictable inner voice of fear kicked in. Here are some of the highlights:

You can’t downsize to a room, you’re a fully grown woman!

You’re supposed to be settling down at your age not flying the nest!

But won’t you miss all of your furniture!

So I contemplated renting an apartment in my dream town instead and when one became available I requested a viewing.

The following day I got a response from the estate agent who was doing viewings that morning. It contained the following line: ‘Could you please advise as to when you are looking to move, who the property would be for and your occupation.’

It’s standard estate agent speak but for some reason reading that line filled my soul with dread.

Right now the rental market in the UK is a bit of a shit show. Properties are wildly over-priced and there’s so much demand potential tenants are ending up having to bid more than the asking price, as if they were buying.

The thought of having to enter into this circus to spend exorbitant amounts of money every month – money that could be spent travelling – made me feel sick to my stomach.

And it made me realise that we shouldn’t just make a note of the things that make us happy, like Rick does, we should use dread as an inner compass too.

But whereas the things that bring us joy are our true north, any time we feel dread we should beat a hasty retreat in the opposite direction.

I still feel nervous about drastically downsizing but the dread I feel at the alternative definitely outweighs my fear.

And when I think of how happy I feel when I’m travelling to new places and meeting new people my fears all fall away.

So this week I urge you to use dread as a compass too, and find the courage to head in the opposite direction, to the true north of your happiness.

Wishing you all a wonder-full week, and thank you SO much to everyone who’s taken the time to reply to these WONDERSTRUCK letters. It’s been lovely to hear how they’re helping.

Siobhan