Your fear is an unreliable narrator

5 lessons I've learned from 5 months of travel

Greetings from Paris!

The other day I realised that it’s been five months since I gave up my home in the UK to live a nomad life, which caused me to reflect on how I’ve found the experience so far, and more importantly, what I’ve learned as a result.

What follows are the five biggest lessons I’ve learned, which don’t just apply to people who are travelling but are more to do with life in general. It took me giving up my home and virtually all my worldly goods to have these lightbulb moments, so I thought I’d share them with you, in case you might find them helpful too…

LESSON ONE: YOUR VOICE OF FEAR IS AN UNRELIABLE NARRATOR

I’ll never forget the first time I watched the film, The Usual Suspects, and the shock I felt from the twist at the end. The film is narrated by a character played by Kevin Spacey and you don’t realise until the final scene that he is a very unreliable narrator. It’s one of those films you instantly want to watch all over again, looking for the clues you missed the first time round, when you thought you could trust what you were being told.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned since giving up my home is that our inner voice of fear can be a very unreliable narrator, but unlike in books and films where this can make for a hugely satisfying shock twist, in real life it can be a real pain.

Before I plucked up the courage to leave the UK my inner voice of fear had a field day, narrating all the worst case scenarios that could happen. Here are just three of its favourites…

You’ll feel really vulnerable and unsafe without a home base

You’ll never be able to get back into the (cut-throat) rental property market in the UK again

You’ll feel really lonely travelling solo

I’m happy to report that none of my voice of fear’s predictions have come true. I’ve felt stronger and freer and more confident than ever not having a home. I don’t want to get back into the UK rental market and pay insane amounts to a landlord every month. And rather than feeling lonely, my existing friendships are thriving (thanks to WhatsApp and video calls!) and I’ve made some wonderful new contacts and friends in America, Norway, Stockholm, Portugal, France and Ukraine.

I wish I could have seen quite how unreliable my voice of fear was prior to leaving the UK. As Mark Twain once said: ‘I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.’ Perhaps you can relate?! 

LESSON TWO: LEAVING YOUR COMFORT ZONE IS SO LIBERATING

In the past few months as a solo travelling woman, I’ve repeatedly pushed myself out of my comfort zone, especially when travelling to countries where I don’t speak the language.

So often we hold ourselves back for fear of feeling vulnerable or looking stupid, but I’ve made some classic language blunders and several times I’ve got lost, and rather than make me feel stupid it’s felt incredibly freeing and done the weird thing of both softening me and toughening me up.

Two months in France attempting to speak the language means that I no longer care if I look like an idiot. Frankly, I look like an idiot every single day here! But, rather than annoy the local people, my awkward attempts at speaking French seem to endear me to them and have led to some really fun and friendly conversations.

Crossing the border into Ukraine on my own and having to show my passport to armed soldiers was another situation where I felt extremely nervous and worried about messing up. But now I’ve made that journey, no other trip will faze me!

Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone on a regular basis stretches your confidence and expands your potential. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

LESSON THREE: COLLECT MEMORIES NOT MONEY

I used to think I’d be happy if I made enough money to own my own home but getting rid of virtually everything I owned has shown me what really matters in life, and that’s our connections with other people, and memorable experiences. When I look back on my travels I feel richer than I’ve ever felt before because I’ve already had so many interesting and incredible experiences. And none of them cost a lot of money. 

One of my fondest memories so far was when one of my Paris friends invited me to go swimming in the pool in her apartment building. I can’t swim and have had a fear of swimming since I was a child. The old me would have said no to that invitation immediately. But because I was becoming accustomed to living outside of my comfort zone I said yes.

What followed was one of the happiest afternoons of my life. We were lucky enough to have the pool to ourselves, which meant that I didn’t feel self conscious about not being able to swim. And the weirdest, most magical thing happened - I absolutely loved being in the water.

Some people collect expensive trinkets to make themselves feel good, but now I only collect magical memories. And the best thing about magical memories is that you can take them with you everywhere you go, and no-one can ever take them from you.

LESSON FOUR: WE WERE MADE TO FLOW, NOT FIT A MOULD

I used to think that I needed the security of a same old, same old routine, but increasingly I believe that humans were made to flow, not be squashed into a box. 

Travelling has encouraged me to go with the flow and embrace the new on a regular basis. Today I had lunch with a new friend at a Bengali restaurant in Paris, where I ate a raw salmon biryani, which is not something I ever thought I’d write - or eat! It was delicious, but even if it hadn’t been, it feels great to be open to the unexpected.

Every time I land in a new place I make a point of wandering around without a destination in mind just to see what happens. Another of my happiest memories came when I did this in Montmartre and I happened upon a pair of dancers, who moved me to tears with the beauty of their impromptu performance. I remember standing there, being bathed in the golden light of the late afternoon sun and feeling so incredibly lucky that I’d chosen to turn the corner that led me to them, and that magical moment. 

And you don’t have to go travelling to break free from the rut of routine. Going with the flow is a state of mind, open to any of us at any time.

LESSON FIVE: AN ADVENTUROUS SPIRIT CHANGES EVERYTHING

And speaking of states of mind… embracing the nomad lifestyle has given me a way more adventurous spirit, which I’ve been applying to other areas of my life, such as making new friends and finding new work opportunities. And once again, you don’t need to go travelling in order to do this. 

All you have to do is realise that by being more adventurous you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Not everything you try will work out, but I guarantee some things will. And those things will make a world of difference.

I hope these lessons of mine have given you some food for thought. As I’ve been writing them out here for you I’ve realised that I could have made any of these changes without giving up my home to travel, so I’m hoping they apply to us all.

Until next week, here’s to freeing our minds, overcoming our fears and creating magical connections and memories.

Siobhan