Too wet to woo

A few years ago, pre-pandemic, I decided to give online dating a go.

To be honest, I was a bit half-hearted about the whole endeavour and after a couple of mismatches I was about to throw in the towel, when I received a really nice and interesting message from a guy.

He looked a bit grumpy and unappealing in his profile pic, and I was aware of the common online dating complaint regarding people not looking anything like their pics - in a bad way - but I’d long since reached a point in my life where personality was way more important.

The messages he sent me over the next few days read more like proper letters, interesting, funny and engaging, so when he asked if I’d like to meet for a coffee I readily agreed.

I wasn’t expecting anything romantic to happen though. My previous couple of dates had left me a little flat about the online thing, and the whole set-up felt awkward and forced.

Plus, this guy had told me he lived in a shared house by the sea, and so the cynic in me urged caution about getting involved with a man in his early 50s who was living in a bedsit.

But… his messages were engaging so I pictured us having a nice chat before going our separate ways.

I rocked up to the coffee shop that Saturday afternoon in an old Johnny Cash t-shirt, flip-flops, jeans and barely any make-up.

What happened next seemed to take place in slow motion. 

I walked in, took a look around, saw a lovely looking guy with beautiful eyes smiling warmly at me, I kept scanning the room, looking for the serious looking guy in glasses from the profile pic, but he was nowhere to be seen.

The guy with the lovely smile kept smiling his lovely smile at me and then finally the penny dropped.

In some bizarre parallel online dating universe, my date had turned up looking nothing like his profile pic - but looking a whole lot better, not worse!

We had a hug, he asked me what kind of coffee I’d like and I stood next to him in the queue, grinning inanely and cursing my decision to make NO. EFFORT. WITH. MY. APPEARANCE. AT. ALL!

Not that it seemed to matter. We sat down in a booth and talked and laughed and laughed and talked for ages.

The date lasted for nine hours, neither of us wanting it to end.

We went from the coffee shop to a bar for some live music and then dinner. He walked me back to the station just in time to catch the last train.

We went on our second date the following day and he invited me round to his place the weekend after.

He’d worked in the music industry most of his life and his ‘shared house by the sea’ was shared with other musicians and came with its own private beach!

I’m aware as I’m writing this that it sounds like some kind of modern day dating parable about not judging a person by their profile pic. But this isn’t that story.

Although the theme of this story is about spotting signs…

The months following that first date were wonderful and a lot of fun.

But then an issue cropped up, which I won’t share here for privacy reasons, but let’s just say that I started to have serious doubts about whether he was the right person for me after all.

Around that time I heard a woman being interviewed on a podcast and she was talking about the problems she’d been having trying to move house in New York but no matter how many properties she viewed she couldn’t seem to find the right one.

Then a friend suggested she choose something to symbolise her future home - a sign that would tell her she was on the right track.

She chose a red cardinal bird and lo and behold a few weeks later, she went to view a property in an area she never would normally have considered and there was a red cardinal, chirping away by the front door.

The property turned out to be the house of her dreams and she spent many happy years there.

Feeling desperate for guidance, I decided to choose a sign that would signify that I ought to end the relationship, and I chose an owl.

Well, from that moment forth I couldn’t seem to leave the house without being bombarded by frickin’ owls. 

Not the real live kind, I hasten to add, but images of owls - ON EVERYTHING!!!

And even though I knew in my heart of hearts that the issues at the heart of our relationship were too serious to brush over, I kept ignoring the owls. But they kept on coming. On book covers, adverts, gifts or cards from friends. 

I saw owl pyjamas, owl cakes, owl ornaments, even owl tea towels. And then my dad sent me a text that was impossible to ignore.

It was a Sunday afternoon. I’d just had an argument with my boyfriend about the issue we were having and I’d come back home feeling upset and frustrated.

My phone pinged and I felt a burst of hope - was it my boyfriend, trying to fix things?

My heart sank as I saw that the text was from my dad. And my disappointment turned to bewilderment as I read it…

‘Why can’t the owl get a date on a rainy day?’

What the hell was he on about?

Realising it must be some kind of joke, I replied, ‘I don’t no, why?’

‘Because he’s too wet to woo!’ came the reply.

Oh, Jesus, it’s another frickin’ owl, I realised. And then as I stared at the words, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

HE’S TOO WET TO WOO!

The frickin’ owls had started shouting (or rather, hooting) their message to me!!

The relationship came to an end. And so did the owl sightings.

Then, a couple of years ago, I was talking about it with a friend and said, I think I ought to pick a more positive sign - something that tells me I’m on the right rather than wrong track.

She agreed and I randomly chose the pineapple.

Months, and then whole years passed and I never seemed to notice a pineapple anywhere.

Until this week (cue dramatic drum roll!)

Weirdly, I was with the same friend, waiting for a flight at London, Heathrow.

We’d gone for a pre-flight coffee and I suddenly noticed that there were gold pineapples dotted around everywhere in the restaurant, and then I remembered that they were supposed to be my sign that I’m on the right track.

We were waiting for a flight to Portugal, as I’d been invited there to do an author event for the launch of the Portuguese edition of my novel, The Storyteller of Auschwitz.

It was an invitation that had come completely out of the blue. I’d never been to Portugal before and it wasn’t somewhere I’d planned on going.

I grinned at the pineapples and took it as a good omen.

I’m writing this to you from Lisbon, on the third day of our trip. My author event is happening tonight but already I’ve been absolutely blown away by this place and the warmth of the people.

And everywhere I look, I see pineapples!

Every morning in the hotel, I’m greeted by a platter of pineapple slices in the breakfast buffet and a pineapple pic on the wall. 

Every other street I walk down, I seem  to see a pineapple outside a fruit and veg shop, or on a stall.

I’ve seen pineapple prints on clothes and make-up bags and a children’s book.

The other day, when I went into a cafe, there was a pineapple behind the counter to greet me.

And when I went to the toilet in another cafe there was a huge, arty black and white pineapple framed and hanging on the wall.

It seems that pineapples are the new owls - in my world at least - but this time they’re a sign of something very good.

Because I’m getting a very good feeling about Portugal. A feeling that I’m supposed to spend a lot more time here.

And of course, now I’m living as a nomad, I can make this happen. 

I know the cynics amongst us might say that this is all a load of nonsense and we see what we want to see, and this may well be true (although I really didn’t want to see those owls at first!) But if it is, it’s still a very telling exercise because it’s showing us what we know to be the right or true thing in our heart or our gut.

So if you want to play along, all you have to do is think of something you need some guidance with; a question you’re currently living. Then pick something that will symbolise, ‘yes’ or, ‘you’re on the right track’ - and obviously don’t make it something that you see every day, like your spouse, or your house keys.

If nothing else, it makes life more fun, and I’m all for that these days!

Until next week, wishing you all the positive signs you need…

Siobhan